Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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