My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
