evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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