I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
