I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
