so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
