is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize