Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
