My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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