ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
