Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
