i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
