Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize