So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
