he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
