The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
there is glitter all over my balls
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