Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
