I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
