So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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