I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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