i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
