I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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