wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
