She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
These tits shall not be calmed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
