So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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