We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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