$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
