Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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