I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
