How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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