Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
