You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
