Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
