Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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