Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
