Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
