Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize