I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
