We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
