she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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