I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
