When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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