Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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