I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
