He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
