It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
soo... how was my night?
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