Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
