Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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