U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize