Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
