Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize