I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
