I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize