Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
