I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
