You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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