this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
