Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
