May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
