You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
