he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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