Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
