Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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