afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
