puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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