There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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