Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
