The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You dont lie about slip and slides
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
