don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
