she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
