We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Welp...herpes.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
