I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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