If i come over, it means nothing
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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