Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
