pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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