he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
