You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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