My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
