The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
