Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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