She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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