That's intense
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
