just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
