great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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