you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I want is dick and wine.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
