Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
