were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize