What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
