Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
