dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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