Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize