the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
