I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize