My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
