why do cheetos always look like penises
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
