Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
