shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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